Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Jennifer TransFORMATION!

I was born Jennifer and then at some point in my life my sweet, quiet loving grandpa transformed me into Jennifer Lee. This transformation was unconscious and just happened through the caring influence of my mother’s father. As I learned to walk and saw the world through my child eyes, I grew and the “Lee” just happened. As I entered school I slowly morphed into Jen. Jen was a growing girl who took pleasure in the humor of life and always wanted to have fun and be constantly stimulated by new things. Jen played by a different set of rules and had an agenda for life like no other. Jen also struggled throughout her teenage years and rebelled against everything and everyone she could. I suppose you could say that the –nifer lost in my birth name was also symbolism of losing a bit of myself. As most teenagers and young adults do, I become confused in who I was and what I was doing on this earth. In amongst my years as Jen I would spend my summers as Jenny-Lou. Jenny-Lou was comfortable for me and taught me about hard work in the labour sense. It brought me joy and life-long friendships; it brought me exploration and the beginnings of my love for the beach and everything it stood for. But when the summer months would end I would morph back into Jen. Jen left this world and became Jenny as she transcended from a butterfly to a moth and then back into a butterfly. This Jenny journey brought me into an ugly moth stage as I looked in the mirror and saw what other moths told me I was. I lost my beautiful colors and my ability to soar was stunted by my personal weakness. As the days went by Jenny the moth looked around to find something to give her hope that she would one day turn back into a beautiful butterfly and fly away back into the world she loved so much. I remember the day that Jenny the moth came out of her cocoon and turned back into Jenny the butterfly and it was unlike any other. I was with a bunch of my butterfly friends and they were unconsciously reminding me how wonderful it was to fly and that being Jenny did not mean that I had to be a moth any longer. Two of these butterflies today still remain close to my heart and they always will. That night I flew away from my old self and I have never looked back. To this day I am still a Jenny but when I share my knowledge and give without thinking I become a J. I feel no loss of the -enny, in fact I feel more complete as a J, but I know that staying a Jenny is where I need to be. Years ago a beautiful woman saw the Jenny B in me and I remember that ah ha moment when she uttered this new personae. Jenny B was a passion in my head during my early Jenny days but something that I had never really acted upon. Today I am confident that I know when and where to put Jenny, J, or Jenny B name tags on and am so grateful for my transformation. So you see this is my journey, one that I am thankful for and blessed to have had. I have met so many influential people along the way that drove me to become who I am today, a confident woman who is happy with the many hats she has in her closet, ready to wear each of them when the time is right. FOREVER, Jennifer, Jennifer Lee, Jenny-Lou, Jen, Jenny, J, Jenny B

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